I'll Hold My Breath
by Lilting Lithium
Summary: Sea Trolls are not mermaids. They are not your friends. They are dangerous, they are barbaric, and they will kill you. Tavra Nitram begins to challenge these words when she finds and refuses to kill a savagely capricious Sea Troll whom in turn spares her. But Tavra is playing with fire when she unknowingly forges the molds to a forbidden friendship. AU Fem!Tav/Gamzee.
1. Our Dumb Main Character

**this AU is really weird and self indulgent sorry oops**

**So yeah, Fem!Tav/Gamzee friendship/Romance. Not to say I don't like normal Tavros/Gamzee, but this fanfiction is the equivalent of seeing a huge cake and being like "oh man i really shouldnt eat too much" BUT THEN YOU EAT IT ANYWAYS BECAUSE YOU DECIDED IT WILL TASTE DELICIOUS**

**There are also various other genderbent characters that are mentioned but we dont see.**

**I should mention that this is an AU of Aquariumstuck. This is an AU of an AU. You're welcome.**

**MAN fanfiction doesnt let you do the pointy tip for an emoticon heart. so you get to use your imagination alright GET HYPED**

***ALSOO I should probably note that the narrator isn't exactly Tavra or her thoughts. I mean it kind of is? but then at the same time it isnt? idk dont confuse it for OOC, its just weird narrator shenanigans for the sake of humor.**

**Homestuck belongs to me I am Andrew Hussie he is me. also this is like the only disclaimer you will ever be getting. what a way to start a fanfiction.**

****Trigger warning for Anxiety and Panic attacks, but its nothing too major. I have all that so im just going by my experiences and beating them up a little, which ive found helps**

**wow ok im done**

* * *

"Let's, uh, see… Do, do I have any Scallops yet? …Wait, no, I—I have like five… of those, okay. Um, that's okay—"

A small tan foot combed over the sand, yellow painted toenails dislodging a few shells for the owner to inspect.

"—Paper fig? No, Olive Shell? N-no, no I have those. Oh, I don't think, I have that kind of Murex yet—Wait, it's um, broken—"

Similarly tanned hands grasped at a black and white composition book simply labeled "Shells" on the front in what looked liked gold paint pen. The visible page showed several printed pictures of shells taped in with scribbled writing and check boxes off to the side. Occasionally, a hand crosses something off or scribbles a sloppy sketch of a shell on the back of the previous page with some sort of note by it.

"—Alright, okay um, I already have that kind of Tellin shell, but— Oh… oh! A Periwinkle! Wait, no… okay no, that's a bottle cap… uh…"

A teenage girl scribbled all over the page in an erratic display of frustration and snapped the journal shut, tucking it into a canvas bag over her shoulder that held a diverse assortment of items, including a but not limited to her designated zip lock shell bag (which was relatively empty,) an unopened purple soda, a bunched up Peter Pan towel, a steel compass, and an old machete used for traversing through thick tropical flora.

Short legs covered by the wet bottom half of a wetsuit dexterously made their away around and over the coffee colored rocks that were clumped together around of the otherwise deserted beach. If it was anyone's guess, this young lady was recently diving, regardless that her diving equipment were worn down flippers, yellow goggles, and a very old looking rebreather— all tucked neatly inside the canvas bag slung over her shoulder. On her head was a wet tangled mess of long brown hair, styled in what seems to be a somewhat sloppy side-shave that needed a trim.

The top part of her wetsuit was drooped carelessly in front of her, flapping against her toned but squishy thighs and revealing the top half of a secure looking light tan bikini top. Standing at 5'3", she had a relatively normal upper body with a supple figure that poured into a light hourglass shape. A few beauty marks are visible across the dark, honey-colored skin of her exposed arms and torso, matching the color of her deep-set, slanted auburn eyes that rested above a squished, oval shaped nose that dropped evenly down from its peak, freckles scattering across her face's middle.

Collecting and recording shells was supposed to be a fun, therapeutic side-hobby for Tavra Nitram—.

Sometimes, it just wasn't.

She found that unless she came across a new or pretty shell within the first 25 minutes of searching, she would give up in either silent resignation or petty frustration and kick around the sand for a few minutes before trudging off to do something else. She would have quit this a long time ago if it wasn't for the pride she felt in herself whenever she took a moment to stand back and look at her collection of awesome shells. It was her friend Aradia who'd suggested that Tavra take a break from her dusty Pokémon Card collection and try out something different— collecting and cataloging shells she thought were pretty. It'd been Aradia who'd discovered the sorts of amazing treasures that could be found on beaches that were blocked off or hidden by the island's thick foliage. Beautiful sea glass, small pieces of brightly colored coral, strange bones, and on rare occasions a glimmering Sea Troll scale. But that was only just a taste of why Tavra kept returning to the uninhabited half of the island, even after Aradia stopped. It was far away from the small beach cottages, cabanas, and the close-knitted community of their small city. Things she didn't mind, but had grown tired of. She was tired of being stuck on an island that took less than 5 hours to walk from one side to the other.

Aradia and her family moved here from Japan when Tavra had been about eight. As a child, Tavra's skin had been covered in pink blotches of eczema, with ears far too big for her head, and a constantly stuffy nose. She had never really made a friend before, spending most of her time with the docile animals on the island. She was a shy and introverted girl who cried a lot and suffered from panic attacks and anxiety. But the day they became friends was the day Tavra's life had started to become infinitely better.

She still remembered their first words to each other.

_"I like the markings on your skin." _

_"Y-you, um… wha—"_

_"You're pink spots. I think they're pretty. Would you like to look for dinosaur bones with me?"_

After that they'd become inseparable, spending most days going on adventures, climbing trees, rough housing with the Scourge Brothers, and making jewelry from things they found on the beach. They called themselves Team Charge, and had hands down one of the sickest secret handshakes ever.

Tavra realized she'd been staring off into space remembering how rad their handshake had been when the crackling ping of a text sounded from the water-damaged speakers on her cell phone. She slid it from her bag. It used to be Karkat's old phone; she'd gotten it as a half-assed hand-me-down gift in her freshmen year. Since then, the back had become strewn with dozens of stickers, some of which where starting to peel, and a small orange Squiddles phone charm hung at the side, a gift sent to her from her friend named Jade who lived on a neighboring island. Sliding the cracked screen up to reveal the LG keypad, Tavra squinted her eyes faintly at the grey text.

- carcinoGenetecist [CG] began pestering adiosToreador at 18:22 -

CG: DONE.

CG: FUCKING FINALY DONE.

CG: FUCK.

CG: FUCKING.

CG: DONE.

AT: yOU, fINISHED YOUR SUMMER CLASSES! }:o

CG: YES I DID.

CG: BOW BEFORE ME.

AT: i TREMBLE AND QUAKE, iN AWE AT YOUR MAJESTY, o vANTAS THE gREAT,

CG: DAMN STRAIGHT. YOU APPEASE ME LOWLY COMMONER.

AT: sO, wHEN ARE, YOUR FINALS' GRADES COMING IN?

AT: bECAUSE, yEAH,

AT: tHATS PROBABLY PRETTY IMPORTANT, pROBABLY,

CG: OH MY THROBBING PHLEGM LOBE, WHO GIVES A BARFING FUCK ABOUT THAT.

CG: I KNOW I DID BETTER THAN EVERY SINGLE BRAIN DEAD ASSWHIPE WHO WAS THERE.

AT: aLRIGHT,

AT: aNYWAYS, yOU WERE IN A CRAMPED CLASSROOM, TAKING THREE DIFFERENT EXAMS, oNE AFTER THE OTHER, fOR SIX HOURS,

AT: sO YOU SHOULD, pROBABLY TAKE SOME ADVIL WHENEVER YOU GET HOME,

AT: yOU KNOW, fOR LIKE, iF YOU HAVE A HEADACHE, mAYBE,

CG: DON'T EVEN TALK TO BE ABOUT HEADACHES.

CG: RIGHT NOW THERE'S A LUMBERJACK SPLITTING WOOD ON MY SKULL.

CG: HE'S GOT THE FOREARMS OF A CHOLERBEAR, A MOUNTAIN OF LOGS, AND NOTHING BUT TIME.

AT: uH,

AT: oK, sO

AT: wHEN YOU GET HOME, yOU SHOULD, pROBABLY TAKE TWO OF THOSE LITTLE GEL CAPSUL ADVILS,

AT: iF THERE IS INDEED A LUMBERJACK, CHOPPING WOOD,

AR: oN YOUR HEAD,

CG: OH! OK! YES!

CG: THANK YOU TAV!

CG: I WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN HOW TO WORK THE ADVIL WITHOUT YOUR GUILDING LIGHT.

AT: yOU'RE WELCOME,

CG: GOD, MY HEAD, IT HURTS.

CG: IT IS PRESENTLY THREATENING TO MAKE ME ITS BITCH, TAV. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

AT: nO,

CG: DO YOU WANT YOUR COOL BROTHER TO BECOME THE BITCH OF A RAW, THROBBING BRAIN?

CG: SUCH IS THE SCENARIO BEFORE US.

AT: wELL, iTS NOT,

AT: iTS NOT LIKE, i CAN CONTROLL IT,

AT: nO OFFENCE, bUT i'D RATHER NOT, tALK TO YOU IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO BLAME STUFF ON ME, aND GET ANGRY WHEN i TRY TO HELP,

AT: sORRY,

CG: URRGFGHN M

CG: I JUST NEED TO AIR OUT SOME SHIT WITH SOMEBODY, AND EVERYONE ON THIS ISLAND HAS THEIR HEADS SO FAR UP THEIR ASSES I WANT TO SCREAM LOUDER THAN I USUALLY DO.

AT: iTS OK,

AT: oNCE WE'RE BOTH HOME, wE CAN WATCH MOVIES AND ORDER PIZZA AND SLEEP,

AT: sO THAT YOU CAN UNWIND,

AT: iF YOU, wANT,

AT: i MEAN BECAUSE YOU HAVE LOTS OF MOVIE,

AT: mORE MOVIES THAN ME, aTLEAST, rIGHT?

CG: YEAH OF COURSE, I HAVE TONS OF MOVIES AND THEY ARE INFINITELY SUPERIOR TO YOUR COLLECTION OF PRIMITIVE CINIMATIC NEANDERTHRASHINGS.

AT: hEH HEH, i DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WORD MEANS, }:)

CG: GOOD. (:B

AT: i'LL PROBABLY BE HOME IN ABOUT, uHH, tWO HOURS?

AT: aT THE MOST,

CG: RIGHT, OK.

AT: bYE, 3

CG: BYE.

CG: S

AT: yAY HAHA, i GET AN S,

CG: FUCK YOU THAT'S HOW I DO A HEART.

- carcinoGenetecist [CG] ceased pestering adiosToreador at 18:47 - 

Giving a light snuffle of laughter she climbed over a particularly large rock, smiling to herself while she carefully picked her way through the dried up barnacles. She tossed the device from her fingers and into her bag.

Karkat had been offered a spot in the Nitram family after his father died during an unfortunate incident involving himself, a wild sea troll, and Tavra's father— who had evidently been his hunting partner. Her dad has since dedicated most of his time deep sea crabbing or sea troll hunting. She and Karkat rarely see him, and have been more or less left to their own devices ever since if only because the small-island community.

Tavra was disappointed with her hull. All she'd found was some sea glass and a pastel pink bottle cap written on in shiny German letters. There'd been a hurricane the other night, so according to Tavra's universal constant, all the beaches should be loaded with washed up prizes. But there was nothing but an ugly mark of a bad storm. The entirety of the beach was missing a layer of sand, covered head to toe in seaweed and various other types of marine vegetation that was dislodged from the ocean floor. The most severe damage was done to the sand dunes. They'd had virtually been washed away, as well as a good ten feet of beach.

She frowned, jumping down to the sand on the other side of the rocks, probably with more force than necessary if the pain in her ankles had anything to say about it. She should start heading back. It was nearly seven, and took a while to get back on foot no matter how many shortcuts she knew. But she really didn't want to leave just yet. Most everyone hated the sensation of feeling gritty with sand from head to toe—And the feeling of drying salt water on their skin and hair. Tavra however relished in it. She spent over half of her time on the Western side of the Island where there were wild docile animals, abandoned fruit plantations, beaches, and coves. It was empty and void of all human life but her, and was the closest place to the coral reef that surrounded her small Island home—Heraia Island.

The map she saw everyday from her bedroom's cream ceiling was virtually tattooed into her memory. In the elongated embayment of the Archipelagon Sea between the mainlands of Elláda and Anatolḗ, there was a small chain of three volcanic islands arranged in a faint semicircular—Lined up biggest to smallest. These were the islands of Aigaio—Officially known as the Hellenic Republic of Aigaio. To the west was the largest island Vénos, followed by Athānā, and ending with the small misfit island of Heraia. Each isle had a patron goddess from historical folklore—A sacrosanct link still shared amid the three dissimilar land chunks.

The low sun's light was orange and dimming around her, leaving Tavra pleasantly warm. She continued her walk, no longer scavenging but watching seagulls zip back and forth across the water and listening to the gentle crashing of white-capped waves against rock and sand alike. She stretched her arms above her head contently, thoughtlessly kicking up a bundle of dried up marsh grass in her path out of mild absentness. A chance gust of wind successfully blew it straight back into her face, causing her to jerk back in surprise and sputter, arms thrashing the brown tendrils away from her face. She shook her head, deftly plucking out a few small pieces from her hair. She spared a look down at the spot where her attacker had lay dormant until a few moments ago, faintly narrowing her eyes and sticking out her bottom lip in a dejected glare. Her vision shifted so she could also glower at what was left of the dried marsh grass heap, but by chance her eye caught a slender line of what looked boat motor oil if not for the oddly distinct purple hue. She could recognize several larger splotches around a cluster of rocks ahead of her. Tavra looked down at her beat-up waterproof watch— only 7:23 pm, she still had time.

Her curiosity peaked as she made her way over to the group of rocks, faltering a moment to shoot her watch's time an unsure look before shaking hear head and proceeding. Tavra couldn't help but think how unstable some of these rocks looked. A few taller boulders look ready to topple over any given moment—In fact it looked like a several already had during the storm. They fell in such a way that they created a strange cove-like formation around a small gulley no more than fifteen feet across. She noticed that it was slowly emptying into the ocean through a stream of purple water.

Upon further approach she could see how dark the water was, but a mass of tangled shrimping net resting beneath the murky water was clearly distinguishable for all to see.

She felt herself visible deflate. Had she been hoping for a dead body or something? God what—

The shrimping net shifted rigidly under the water, and Tavra gasped maybe a bit too dramatically.

"Oh—Oh my gosh!" She nearly threw her canvas bag into the air trying to get it off as she worked to kick her sandals from her feet, falling over only once. Multitasking done right. She rushed into sun heated the water—Only she misestimated how deep the water actually was, so her entire body just went plunging in before she'd even managed her first step. She resurfaced, spitting the weird bittersweet tasting water out of her mouth. It was really just a little more than three feet deep, but she had only been expecting like one foot of water okay.

Wet bangs swinging in Tavra's face, she trudged foreword with meaning, tripping or stumbling a few times before she reached the body. Her hands felt over the layers of mesh and found what were probably shoulders. She hooked her arms under them as best she could through the net, which wasn't very well. Untiringly, her damp bangs flopped over her eyes, forcing her to flip them away with a ridiculous looking toss of her head as she pulled the body farther up in her arms with a quick "Hup!"

The mystery net person barely twitched as they were tugged fluently through the dirtied water and towards the edge of the heated pool. Tavra stopped once most of them rested on the sand.

Through the tangled layers of net, she could see how troublingly pale and bruised looking the skin was. The shadows cast from the rocks gave it a sickly grey appearance. Tavra's eyes flitted every which way and she wrung her hands close to her chest fretfully. Oh man, she really hoped they weren't dead.

She knelt down on her knees to hover worryingly over the body, ignoring how her soaked wetsuit felt tight and uncomfortable against the sand and her skin.

"Excuse me," she said tentatively "A-Are you alright?"

There was no response from the cocooned body. Tavra wasn't really sure what she'd expected. She stretched back and grabbed her bag, riffling through it for a moment before making a brief noise of self-victory when she retrieved a dinky pocketknife. She returned back to her haunches and prepared to cut away the restricting net.

Her hand stopped in its track. The small pocketknife nearly fell from her grasp. The muscles through her body froze in unpleasant, dawning trepidation. Tavra's wide copper eyes where trained on something at the head end of the net heap. Through the layers of netting she caught sight of two elegantly twisted orange horns visible from the confinements of the woven twine. She calmed her nerves, although a miserable job of so, took a steady breath and gashed a generous portion of the material open in one slice to settle her suspicions. Tavra could see black slimy scales.

She was almost positive someone had doused ice-cold water over her and thrown rocks to the bottom of her stomach. She covered her mouth to prevent the scream that badly wanted release, opting instead to listen to her brain's command of _"Get the fuck out now,"_ and clamber behind the closest rock. Her heart was pounding at triple it's normal speed and she felt her breath coming out heavier and when did the beach get so small and—_NO._ She will _not _have a panic attack. Tavra forced her breathing to regulate, closing her eyes she pushing her back against the hard edge of the rock and griped the cool damp sand with her free hand as she listened to the small, gentle whitecaps of low tide splash against the shoreline.

She did not have time for that shit. Fuck you anxiety.

She reopened her eyes, continuing her breathing exercise even though she'd pacified herself enough to not need them. In any other situation she would have totally high-fived herself for successfully evading a panic attack and being a winner, but the occurrence had already passed for Tavra, who was cautiously peering over her safety rock. The messy bundle didn't appear to be moving, but still she held onto her pocketknife with definitely not sweaty palms. She took a few moments to muster her best Nitram Game Face—And walked out in front of the creature.

* * *

**No one will stop my reign of terrible fanfiction**

**No one**

**[maniacal laughter into sunset]**

**( ﾟ,_ゝﾟ) review mayb pls**


	2. Aradia: Best Friend Extraordinaire

**Tav/Tavía's name is now Tavra because shut up.**

**i basically just had to go back to the last chapter and edit things so for future stuff, so it might help to skim it.**

**Also in this aradia is an uneven mix of all the aradias.**

**parents are ancestors with dancestors names, unless they have one. but we won't see much or any of them**

* * *

It looked dead, or at least out cold.

Much of the body was still hidden by the mesh. Tavra stood tensely in silence as she surveyed the unmoving body cautiously. Maybe it had died, Tavra didn't see a rising or falling motion of air—unless this type of sea troll had just gills and no lungs, in which case yes it was probably very dead—Deceased—Not alive—Unable to hurt her. Yes.

Nevertheless she shuffled her feet against the sand apprehensively. She itched to see more of the sea troll but didn't trust the body—Alive or dead. A short gust of briny air over her skin instigated a full body shiver. It broke Tavra from her thoughts and she noticed the rapidly darkening beach. Several early Ghost Crabs were darting out of their sandy burrows, one of them spotting her and staring with little beady eyes before dashing off. Peering up at the sky, her calloused hand distractedly rubbed over the goose bumps on her arm. The blue-black night overhead was a thick dark sheet of paper pricked over and over again by a needle to make millions of small holes and held up too a bright light. A half-moon was situated neatly above eastern horizon, still rather low in the sky.

Tavra pursed her lips with furrowed eyebrows as her eyes scanned the glowing numbers on her watch— 9:41 pm? That seemed awfully late. She scratched her forehead and gave a horse-like sigh. She hated losing track of time.

The teenage girl made a face at a second breeze billowing over her body. It laved at her skin with invisible ice, sending a violent tremor up her spine. Tavra puffed a lock of hair from her face and wrestled her arms through the wetsuit top and zipped it up her back after a few false starts. Take that wind.

She turning her attention back to the body. After a moment's hesitation Tavra stepped forward, treading warily over the sand until she stood less than three feet away from the heap. Gingerly, her right foot gave the tangled roll a nudge. Nothing happened. She picked a different spot and nudged a little harder. Again nothing happened. She located the area where she supposed its mermaid butt was and gave a light kick. When still nothing happened, Tavra let some of her tension leak out from her. She squatted down on the sand uneasily, giving it a few light taps with her fingers in an attempt to reassure herself. It didn't really, but whatever. Tavra held her knife at the ready to begin cutting away at the netting. She heaved a nervous, angry sigh to herself when she her hands submitted to involuntary, anxious shaking.

She looked dejectedly at the trembling appendages; grapefruit dyed lips tugged downwards.

"Please stop."

They didn't stop. Tavra's eyebrows crease.

"E-Everything's fine—We're fine. It can't hurt us, its—dead, yeah."

Her hands disagreed and simply intensified the shaking. She looked down at them again with an exasperated frown and simple let her knife plop to the sand to forcibly stuff her hands under her armpits in an effort to pacify them. She was happy when the quivering subsided in a hasty retreat, leaving her to resume her previous task.

She plucked her pocketknife from the sand. The recently sharpened blade glides through the algae-slick coils of rope with ease. Tavra cut through knots and tangles removing layer after layer of coarse netting—Occasionally nicking the rough skin of her left hand with the sharp utensil. She carried on despite the stinging in her hand, offering a grimace as sweat and sand rubbed against the open cuts. In time she was rewarded with the net-free sight of an extraordinarily dead looking sea troll. A few pieces of sliced net fell over the body eerily like spider webs.

She let out a long breath and examined her bleeding hand. Rope fibers stuck to the skin. She cringed at the cuts beginning to flare up with agitation from sweat, sand and mucky rope; She looked from the sea creature to the shoreline. Tavra wanted badly to clean her burning hand in the cool the salt-water. The cuts were minute, but they hurt and could get infected. The saltiness would make it sting more, but it would clean out the germs and help in the long run. But Tavra'd been told never to turn her back on a sea troll, corpse or not. Or at least, she thinks she has—Ugh. Whatever. She should just ask Aradia; she'd been volunteering at the aquarium for two summers now, she would know.

Tavra reached back with one hand to rifle through her bag, not taking her eyes off the dark form of the sea troll. She located and extracted the palm-sized object from the canvas satchel, the mobile Pesterchum app opening after the press of a few buttons.

- adiosToreador began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA] at 22:17 -

AT: aRADIA,

AT: hEY,

AT: aRE YOU THERE,

AT: uHHH,

AT: hMM,

- adiosToreador ceasted pestering apocalypseArisen [AA] at 22:19 -

Okay so no Aradia. Tavra worried the inside of her cheek between her teeth. She traveled down the list of Chumhandles belonging to friends and close acquaintances. Occasionally she cast glances towards the motionless troll's form. Aradia hadn't been responding, so she needed to find someone online who had _some_ knowledge on the subject of a debatable deadness and didn't have a deep-seated aversion to sea trolls. Distantly a voice told her she was being unnecessary and over thinking things.

_Well, Its better to be safe than sorry,_ Tavra countered weakly. Thankfully someone started to pester her before an argument broke out between herself.

- apocalypseArisen [AA] began pestering adiosToreador at 22:28 -

AA: what is she even d0ing anym0re!

AT: hI,

AA: its like every time i 0pen my m0uth all she hears is

AA: yes yes y0u are an excellent m0ther keep d0ing whatever it is y0ure d0ing!

AT: iM GOING TO GUESS THAT, yOU WERE iN AN ARGUMENT,

AT: aN ARGUMENT, wITH YOU'RE MOM, tHAT IS,

AA: yes

AA: i am c0mpletely d0ne with her

AT: aW, nO, i'M DEFINITELY PRETTY SORRY TO HEAR THAT,

AA: its fine

AA: im also s0rry y0u were ign0red earlier!

AA: i was 0ccupied with yelling at that particular m0ment

AT: wELL,

AT: i'VE BEEN AROUND YOUR FAMILY, lONG ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT YOU TWO WILL, mAKE UP iN THE, uHH,

AT: iN THE MORNING,

AT: }:)

AA: i guess s0

AA: but its like she wins even if i get her back!

AT: oK, yEAH,

AT: bUT,

AT: tHE THING IS, i'VE BEEN YOUR FRIEND FOR A LONG TIME, aND i KNOW THAT SHE UM, lOVES YOU A LOT,

AT: eVEN IF YOU ARGUE AND SHOUT IN, jAPANESE AT EACHOTHER, uM, pRETTY OFTEN,

AT: bUT, yOU BOTH STILL LOVE EACHOTHER,

AT: sO, uM,

AT: yEAH,

AT: aND, i MEAN, uHH,

AT: lOOK AT ME AND kARKAT,

AT: wE FIGHT, sOMETIMES,

AT: aND, wE HAVE A UM,

AT: a VERY ROCKY MOTHER DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP, aS WELL,

AT: nO, uHH,

AT: i,

AT: wAIT, fUCK,

AT: wOW, i'M NOT EXPLAINING THIS WELL,

AT: bUT,

AT: bUT, yOUR MOM LOVES YOU, sO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY, uMM, sHOW HER THAT YOU LOVE HER JUST AS MUCH?

AA: shes coming back

AT: oH,

AT: wHAT'S YOUR GAME PLAN?

AA: im g0ing t0 d0 a rebelli0us teenage thing

AT: pLEASE DON'T DO A REBELLIOUS TEENAGE THING,

AA: i did the rebelli0us teenage thing

AT: yOU DID THAT THING FAST,

AT: wHAT DID YOU DO,

AA: i slammed my d00r

AT: oH,

AT: yOU ANIMAL,

AA: teenage rebel x2

AA: i should play hilary duff s0ngs 0n max v0lume f0r the rest of the night

AT: hAHAHA NO, gO MAKE UP,

A zephyr blew against Tavra's cheek as though urging her to remember the original purpose of pestering Aradia. They tended to get sidetracked easily and bring out the worst in one another. She knocked the side of her head with a small fist for being single minded.

AT: oH GOSH, hOW STUPID CAN i BE,

AA: whats wr0ng?

AT: pLEASE DON'T READ THIS AS, a RUDE THING, i HOPE,

AT: bUT,

AT: tHE MAIN REASON i MESSAGED YOU, mOSTLY,

AT: iS BECAUSE i HAD AN INQUIRY,

AT: fOR YOU, tHAT IS,

AT: sINCE YOU'D PROBABLY KNOW THE, aNSWER,

AA: 0h

AA: 0k!

AA: what was y0ur question?

AT: uMM, oK, sO

AT: wHAT ARE GENERAL PRECAUTIONS THAT PEOPLE TAKE AROUND, a DEAD SEA TROLL,

AT: oR, uM, hOW DO YOU TELL IF ONE IS DEAD,

AT: oR NOT DEAD,

AA: hmm

AA: the number 0ne safety rule am0ng aquarium empl0yees is never turn y0ur back 0n a seatr0ll

_Totally called it._

AA: especially if they l00k dead

AT: wHY'S THAT,

AA: because theyre masters at playing dead

AA: they will attack with0ut hesitati0n and will ALWAYS g0 for the kill

AT: sO, eXACTLY, uHH, wHAT IS GOING ON WITH THEIR BODIES,

AT: wHEN THEY ARE, pLAYING DEAD,

AA: n0t much is kn0wn 0n what it is their b0dies do to achieve it but 0ne the0ry is that they put themselves in a strange self-induced c0ma they can snap 0ut of at will

AT: sO THEN,

AT: hOW CAN YOU TELL,

AA: y0u cant

AA: all y0u can d0 is try t0 deliver a lethal bl0w

AA: c0rpse or n0t

AT: oH,

AT: uHH, tHAT'S,

AT: tHAT'S, uHH

AT: yEAH, sO, uMM, tHANKS FOR THE ANSWERS FOR MY QUESTIONS,

AA: it wasnt a pr0blem

AA: h0wever y0uve never sh0wn much interest in this area

AA: w0uld y0u mind me asking why y0u were s0 curi0s?

AT: kARKAT WANTED TO KNOW,

_Suspicious sounding question successfully dodged. +1 Point._

AA: ha

AA: i figured

AA: tell him i say hell0!

AT: oKAY,

AA: its getting late and i still need t0 sh0wer

AT: yEAH, i NEED TO GO TOO,

AT: tHANK YOU AGAIN,

AT: yOU KKNOW, fOR HELPING,

AT: }:)

AA: y0ur welc0me again 0u0

AA: ta!

- apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased pestering adiosToreador at 22:47 -

_Lethal blow?_

God fucking damnit. Tavra was too tired for this bullshit. She sent the sea troll's prostrate form a withering look. Even with the moon it was difficult to make out any details other than shape.

She tapped a fingernail against her still bright phone screen in a whirlwind of thought before half mindedly turning the screen to the troll as a makeshift flashlight.

Tavra's eyes drew directly to the ornate grey skin on the back. Tribal-esque patters swept over the broad shoulders, forearms, and down the backbone in an upside down triangle of light gray patterns and designs. Dusky spines surfaced from the skin on the nape of the neck to extend down the end of the tale. She lightly ran the pads of her fingertips across one. Cool in temperature, the smooth spines felt like the surface of a fingernail with noticeable traces of dents and scratches. She quietly compared them to giant gray almonds.

Her vision moved to appraise a robust looking slick black tail. She noted vaguely with interest that the scales weren't actually black—rather, they were a dark purple that turned peculiarly lurid and opaque when it reflected the brightness of the cracked screen. _Neat_. The tailfin was spikey and made up of dark translucent lavender skin stretched over long spikey spines. She didn't dare try to touch them.

The beach's nightly show of bioluminescence had begun were sticking out in the darkness around Tavra quite prominently. However she'd hardly spared the light show a glance, too invested in the creature's strange anomalies. It was the most beautifully alien thing she'd ever seen. It was totally foreign. It was something _new_.

She scuffled foreword on her knees slightly to dip the tip of her good hand into a dark pool of cool liquid gathering around the creature. She rubbed the oily substance between her fingers curiously, bringing the light of her phone up to reveal deep purple blood. It must be injured somewhere on its front. She wiped it from her hand, making a small noise of revulsion at the offending liquid and grimacing at the purple stain left on her fingers.

Tavra didn't know much about the science and theory of blood colors—Truthfully all she knew about the aquatic species was that they wanted to kill humans, so humans had to kill them.

Tavra _knew_ this. It's what Karkat told her, its what her dad told her, its what everyone on the island told her. Sea trolls were not her friends, but she was powerless to the abashed twinge of newfound pity swirling in her gut at the sight of the wounded, picturesque marine animal. Her agitation towards herself flared, because despite the plight of her situation, she still sat there and felt compassion for a sea monster. Any other person would have tried to killed it by now and taken its head as a trophy—as well as other equally valuable parts like the scales, blood, and venom. But she just watched its still body in a confusing mix of malformed sympathy, fear, and hollow anger.

With a strangled

She systematically began to tug through the stiff, saltwater-dried tresses on her head with unsettle fingers out of habit while she mentally berated herself.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid. _

She let herself wring her hair to her hearts content to settle her heartbeat before detangling her hand from the now matted length, taking a short breath but not looking up.

Tavra stared at her wetsuit covered thighs, digging her fingernails into the material as hard as she could in an attempt at venting the emotional turmoil spinning inside her and ignoring the protests of the skin on her left hand. She was upset with herself; she should want to kill this thing. But was it already dead? Argh!

She practically glared down at her watch. It was like one in the goddamn morning what the actual shit.

She made a huffing noise of resignation as she turned her back on the body to grab her bag and leave. She wouldn't kill it. She was just going to leave. Her storeroom of fucks was growing low and winter was coming. She shoved her sandals on with uncharacteristic anger, about to stamp off.

But she realized her mistake too late.

_Never turn your back on a sea troll._

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**i apologize in advance for everything you may or may not review about**

**seriously though reviews help.**

**go ahead**

**review you chicken**


	3. CRABS

Alright, so heres this chapter. i was doing some world building for this universe that was added to the first chapter incase your curious. ill stop making everyone go back and rereading chapters once i have things set in stone, but ill try to keep this one the last time gomen

if you don't want to go back, just know that tavra lives on a mix of greek/spain/hawaii. blehjgfdgfhj n

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Tavra wanted to cry as she realizes what she's done.

Her body instantaneously straitened in petrified shock—so quickly that she feared her back was broken. Her bag more or less slipped from her grip in an unplanned display of cliché fear she often laughed at in movies. She tried to swallow but it felt like the whole beach was inside her throat. She took a breath instead and counted down from ten, eyes squeezed close. Tavra's heartbeat counted with her to zero.

Nothing was attacking her. Tavra's eyes opened in wary confusion. Her right hand had her phone locked in a vice-grip—It felt like holding onto a bar of soap from how sweaty her palms had become. Shyly she took a few steps to see what would happen. When there was only silence, she breathed a sigh of colossal relief. It was dead.

Because if it wasn't, she'd certain would be by now.

Tavra: 1

Death: 0

Tavra looked around placidly. She avoided the corpse behind her in silent agreement with herself to first revel in the immaculate sensation of reassurance that she was still alive and kicking. The moon had brightened significantly and smothered the coast in pastel moonbeams, casting silver water over beachside sarsens. The stretch of the shoreline was covered in millions of clear blue bioluminescent phytoplankton that were doing a fantastic job at mimicking the stars in the above sky. The tiny organisms glowed similarly to fireflies and tended to emit light when stressed, such as when waves crash or if they were otherwise disturbed. Science.

Small wavesglimmer softly as they roll into the shoreline, collapsing on top of themselves in a spraying spark of light. Ghost crabs crawled speedily around the spread of wet sand, trailing little dotted tracks of luminosity across the surface in crooked lines and shapes. Her eyes crinkled in adoration for the fauna. She really loved animals.

Ghost crabs were funny little crustaceans that would spend a perfect day hiding from the heat inside sand burrows either thoroughly passed out, standing alone in the dark, being a crab, or journey outside to fend off predators by running away or burying themselves.

They were so cute.

Most of the palm-sized creatures had pale-colored bodies that blended in well with the sand. They were capable of gradually changing body coloration to match their environments and the time of day—During the day they retain a pale sandy complexion, while at night they turn white as chalk and blend together with the darkness so well they often gave the illusion of semitransparency, hence their name.

A sea breeze blustered serenely around Tavra's body. She was gently waned away from the gripping disposition of the island by a piece of wiry hair blowing alongside her cheek and demanding shampoo and conditioner from her. She peeled a few tresses away from her mane and held them at eyelevel and gave the salt mangled locks a look of contriteness when they seemed to glare at her.

"Um… Sorry." She said falteringly as she twisted one olive toe in the sand ruefully.

Even though it was just hair and couldn't actually be mad with her.

Tavra wrinkled the skin over her Turkish coffee colored eyebrows insecurely. She wasn't a relatively vain girl, but she still worriedly pawed uselessly at the tousled bushy hair barely holding on to its natural summer waves. She hadn't realized how scruffy she'd become, which was generally normal and something to expect when you navigate through a tropical forest, spend hours underwater, and then noodle around on a beach for an indefinite amount of time. But she undoubtedly looked like a crazy necromancer or crab whisperer—more so than she usually did at this time of night, alone on a beach.

Tavra vigorously rubbed all the grime off of her face, spreading most of it around. Taking a hair tie from her wrist she tied back her wild Medusa hair and quickly dropped the matter, finding the jittery crustaceans across the beach to be much more interesting.

She watched with silent mirth dancing behind her russet eyes as a silvery white looking Ghost Crab with a cracked claw determinedly and strenuously climbed up a slender rock about half the height of her shin. A smaller crab circled the steep edges of the stone, bubbling angrily and alternating between striking its claw against the sand and rock to make its worry and irritation known. When the larger crab reached the top, it rose it's claws heroically and clicked them in mighty victory. It tried to turn towards the smaller of the two but instead fell with an anticlimactic _plop _to the wet sand that made Tavra outright giggle into her hand.

Ghost crabs enter the water at night only to moisten their gills or developing eggs. But rather than enter the water completely, they preferred to brace themselves on the sand and allow incoming waves to wash over their bodies.

Tavra idly hopped from one foot to the other, attention turning to watch the bioluminescence appear under her feet. The natural glowing chemical reactions always had a way of making her feel magic, like she was a fairy with cool powers.

Without noticing, she'd hopped in a half circle. She looked up and the smile touching her lips fell straight off her face as she made eye contact with the illuminating eyes of a definitely not dead Sea Troll.

_Shit._

Its head was turned to the side, watching her with a piercing gaze and she almost choked on her own spit in a delayed reaction of shock before tripping over her own feet and falling backwards in panic, gasping when she bit her tongue painfully on impact.

Tavra: -3

Death: 1

She shot the creature a terrified look and nearly fainted when a deep growl escaped from its gilled throat.

The sea troll had a sharp square face framed by light tribal-esque markings and strange fin ears that looked like gray bat wings combined with translucent lavender butterflies. It's large Iris' contained flecks of white around the edges, and reminded Tavra of big, bright violet marbles with the swirling colors and reflective light. The inky pupil seemed to be trying to suck in all the color surrounding it like a black hole or whirlpool. An epicanthic fold began in the corner of its eyes and extended down the sides of the flat nose, giving it a rectangular appearance.

Her reverie was snapped when it extended a long grey arm towards her. She squeaked and instinctively tried to clamber away from the appendage. It bared its sharp fangs and gave an unearthly snarl that made her blood run cold and every bone in her body lock tight in primal fear. _Run get away now you are going to die run do not fight you are going to die just get away!_ The cool brush of a claw against her foot was enough to drag Tavra out of her primeval stupor and remember that oh hey she has a knife. Dropping her phone she swiftly pointed the tip of the blade at the scary aquatic fish thing advancing on her. It drew back in surprise.

However, the surprise faded from its face when her hands started to tremble and it took on a more amused expression. Tavra glared waveringly down at her white knuckled in betrayal but refused to relinquish her grip

A strange Orca-like noise shuddered up her body like prickly vines and she jumped, looking around with a nonplussed expression before she realized it came from the Troll, who was looking at her with some profound emotion.

Its glowing chromatic eyes trapped her chestnut irises and the dangerous beacons momentarily spellbound her. She broke from the icy clutches of the alien gaze and struggled backwards in a crab walk until her back hit the cool surface of stone. It was crawling towards her again and Tavra wanted to call bullshit because it was so unfair that it wasn't restricted to water like a fucking normal fairytale mermaid. She could literally hear a mass yelling of; "Foul!" from inside her head.

It stopped a couple feet away, and sniffed curiously.

What.

It shifted its iridescent tail under itself, tilted its head and began to speak. The sounds that came out were nothing like the sounds a human could make—A mixture of trills chirps and clicks. Despite the unthreatening pose and expression, none of it sounded friendly. It sent a chill up her spine and she pressed herself back into the rock, wanting nothing more than to sink through its surface and stay there forever. It said more things, but appeared to be getting bored extremely quickly. It grabbed her foot and yanked a leg out from her protective ball. Tavra tried to say "Ow," but was silenced by a warning growl. She whimpered like a burly man in response, which just turned the noise into a loud snarl as claws unintentionally pierced through her wetsuit and into her skin. It happened too fast. She made a noise that sounded like a scream and her leg moved on its own accord and nailed the troll right in the face.

Somewhere far away death was laughing and telling her how fucked she was.

Quicker than she would have believed anything capable of moving, it covered the short distance between them faster than she could say oops and shoved her sideways from the rock to pin her to the ground. Tavra was paralyzed, chest heaving up and down in and exuding waves of fear. Its webbed hands pressed her down hard into the ground and dug painfully into her shoulder. Its eyes, the curious ones that had been examining her only moments earlier, were now filled with rage. Menacing teeth were bared close to her throat, and a threatening rumbled emanated from its chest and vibrated throughout the rest of its body. Cold, hard scales pressed over her legs and glacial breaths blew over her face and neck, making her hairs stand on end. Tavra opened her eyes she hadn't realized had closed to find the sea troll's wolf-like stare boring into her. The exchange is intense, profound. Like a bony emaciated hand, an ice-cold understanding of the situation wrapped around her.

Tavra was scared and she wanted Aradia and Karkat and her dad. They were strong and always knew what to do.

She closed her eyes in scared and angry frustration when she felt the telltale signs of tears collect in her eyes. Goddamnit Nitram.

She sea troll bared its teeth and growled at being ignored. It let out a long, ear piercing, I'm-pissed-but-you're-off-the-hook roar right in her face. However, acting on raw instinct alone, Tavra gave an equally ear piercing shriek of fear and she slashed her knife clean across its gray face. It gave a high, whistling screech of pain, shoved her weapon aside and grabbing hold of her wrist with bruising force. If it was angry before then now it was absolutely _livid_. Its other hand had gone for her throat, making her bend her back as far as it could. She couldn't breathe and the thing was worlds Stronger than she was. Drops of purple blood fell onto her face. Her free hand grabbed the one at her neck, like it could have done something.

The last things Tavra remembered are fangs sinking deep into her left forearm, a shrill of agony, an explosion of glimmering scales, and the twinkling constellations above her as she passed out.

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ladies and gentlemen i just spent half a chapter talking about crabs give me all your reviews


	4. Mama Vantas

**lmao im sorry **

**i was going to keep going with this chapter but i just cut in in half because you've prob been really mad at me for not updating**

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"Tavra?"

Everything was black.

Tavra swallowed, immediately regretting it when it felt like she had been swallowing razorblades. It took her a moment to figure out she wasn't dead, but her eyes were just closed. She relaxed at that. Grains of sand prickled her eyeballs, and there was a dull pounding behind them and in her temples. She stretched and tested all of her creaky joints and sore muscles, white hot lightning of pain shooting down her left arm to her fingertips. It felt like someone took a handful of razor sharp icicles and stuck them into her forearm. The whole limb was otherwise stayed numb and throbbing painlessly. Her fingers and toes tingled, sand stuck in all the small crevices including several small scratches and cuts in seemingly random parts of her body. All delivered by the sea troll before it bit her.

Sea troll. A sea troll bit her. Right, okay.

Her heart pounded a notch faster, pumping blood through arteries and veins. A sea troll had bitten her. She repeated the sentence like a mantra in her head. Her body was reacting accordingly, but her brain was refusing to cooperate. Tavra wondered just how much sand it was clogged up with. Her fingers singled and twitched, her body was awake and pissed off at how stupid the pink thing inside her skull was, barely hanging onto a coherent thought process like a Velcro monkey.

"I know you are awake Crab Queen, please get up!"

A sea troll bit her. It sounded important but her jammed head failed to put meaning or reason behind the combination of words. Her logic skills were off in some far away land pondering about polypeptides and how funny the word conglomeration was.

Beside her ear, there was a distinct sound of scuttling legs, inquisitive clicking, and squeaks that reminded her of a guinea pig. A sea breeze tickled her ear, which actually felt good. A delicate pressure she hadn't noticed before tiptoed its way to the left side of her chest, and Tavra could feel what felt like dainty claws through her suite. The motion was gentle and light in a way that reminded her of a nurse listening to a heartbeat. A few moments passed in peacefulness, her ears pick up the sound of rolling waves crashing down on the shore, seagulls cawing overhead, and a faint murmur of, "This is so incredibly stupid."

She heard the snap of a bottle opening and then arctic water was raining down her face. Her entire body gave an unbidden jerk at the unexpected sensation. She sputtered and coughed as she raised her good arm to wipe at her face.

"Are you alright?"

Her eyelids dragged themselves open sluggishly into a half lidded stare. Russet irises met the saturated azure blue of the cloudless midday sky.

"Where's th' pirate ship?" Tavra said stupidly.

More water splashed over her face. After the initialsurprise of _oh hey, more incoming liquid,_ she spoke up.

"Stop—" She moaned, rubbing at her eyes. Tavra was awake and alert, brain no longer lethargic or half-asleep. Her head's pounding had slowly dispersed into a light tapping pulse behind her eardrums. She feebly curled her arm over her eyes with a drawn out breath through her closed lips that sounded kinda like an elephant. Much of the thick haze was cleared from her mind and she was acutely aware of the stabbing pain in her arm and the fact she felt like she'd been hit by a bus and then burnt at the stake by a horde of sea trolls. God she was such a trooper.

"Are you hurt?" Her ears perked when the cogs inside her head began turning at a steady pace and informed her that the smooth female voice belonged to Aradia. Indiana Jones was here to save her. She wanted to laugh in relief and say, "Oh, _Indy!_" but it came out as a hacking cough instead. Nailed it.

"I said are you hurt?" Aradia repeated in a voice like water running over rocks.

"No, I thought I'd pass out on the beach and stay for a night," she rubbed her moist face, "It um, relaxes me."

"It does? Oh— you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably."

Tavra laid her tender arm in her lap as sat up with one arm like a zombie rising from the dead, complete with unintentional cinematic groans and everything. It felt like flat rocks were toppling off her body as she sat up. She blinked her eyes open in time to see a horde of sand colored ghost crabs disband from around her, the majority collectively beating their claws against the sand as they crawled into various holes.

They were so cute.

She looked over to Aradia who was standing a few feet away.

"That was really weird." Aradia half-whispered. Tavra couldn't stop the wobbly laughter from bubbled up her throat. Aradia gave a few chuckles as well. Frens. Bes frens.

"Is that why you didn't just shake me? Shake me awake, I mean." Tavra's eyes stayed crinkled in a smile despite the throbbing in her arm.

"You looked pretty beat up, I didn't want to make anything worse." Tavra nodded. She looked over her friend whom, in her professional opinion, looked worn the fuck out. Her face and other areas of visible skin were covered in a light sheen of sweat, the dark hair at her front clumping against her cheeks. But of course she's able to pull off the gross sweaty look. She could pull off the _destitute pluff mud hermit_ look if she wanted to.

Simply clad in thin beige hiking shorts and a deep red shirt with sleeves rolled up to her boney shoulder, Aradia was sporting several scratches across her legs and arms, no doubt from trying to run through the tropical forest that covered much of Heraia. Her jungle-dirtied feet were attired in buckled leather sandals that covered a prominent farmers tan, which followed the same pattern of her shoe's brown straps. Her naturally pale complexion was covered by tanned skin with a healthy golden-brown tint. Long bouncy black hair was tied back in a low ponytail, the shorter pieces framing her pretty face and defined chin. Protuberant dimples pressed under her cheekbones and distracted from her too-big lips. Thin upturned half moon eyes _appeared to crinkle upwards as though in a constant smile_, and rested underneath thick eyebrows_. Her irises were the black-flecked deep brown of pecan shells_.

The sea laved the shore with small, agitated waves. Tavra stayed silent. She knew Aradia knew. It was obvious. Claw and scratch marks presented themselves proudly through her wetsuit's torn material, as well as a painfully obvious bite mark that even a half-wit could recognize as a sea troll's. The cat had clearly been out of the bag for some time but, neither girl acknowledged it. It was like the feeling Tavra got when she closed her eyes and look up at the sun and saw the white and red through the flesh of her eyelids and felt the sense of heat on her face. She could close her eyes and ignore it, but like the sun Aradia will keep its presence known by holding it over Tavra's head with a guarantee she'll be discussing it with her later when Tavra was ready

Aradia gave a long sigh, absently attempting to pull a tangle from Tavra's hair, "You need to talk to Karkat,"

"Aradia, no—"

"You need to talk to Karkat." She said, tone final as she detangled her boney fingers to retrieve Tavra's phone and pass her the sandy device. This was apparently not up for discussion.

"He's on the brink of having a mother goose induced aneurism."

"Mother goose induced aneurism." Tavra repeated, looking down with the ghost of an amused smile.

"You know what I mean."

- adiosToreadorbegan pestering carcinoGenetecist [CG] at 18:22 -

CG: TAVRA YOU PEICE OF GODDAMN SHIT!

CG: I AM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING SEND YOU TO THE SHADOW REALM WHEN YOU GET HOME!

CG: DONT EVEN TRY TO LOOK FOR A WAY OUT, ACCEPT DEATH AND FACE OBLIVION!

AT: i'M SORRY!

AT: iT WASN'T MY FAULT, kARKAT! }:(

CG: I'M FED UP WITH THESE BACK DOOR DICKBITING SHENANIGANS.

CG: YOU WILL SHUT YOUR SQUAWK GAPER, STAY PUT, AND TELL ME WHY YOU DIDN'T YOU COME HOME LAST NIGHT AND WHY ARADIA HAD TO GO FIND YOU.

CG: SHE FOUND YOU, RIGHT?

AT: yEAH,

CG: GOOD.

CG: NOW EXPLAIN.

AT: uHH,,,

Tavra looked at Aradia, who had taken a seat next to her and removed her injured arm from her wetsuit to clean with seawater and rub with a piece of aloe plant like the super best friend Aradia was.

"What do I tell him?" Tavra whispered harshly, despite them being the only two on the beach, "I can't just say _oh, yeah, sorry I bailed on you and never came home, but I had to wrestle a sea troll!_"

Bizarre and unwelcome hormones most likely gifted to her by her fairy god sea troll's venom had officially crowned themselves rulers of her emotions. Their first royal decree: All emotions must be cluster fucked.

"Is that what happened." Aradia hummed softly. It was less of a question and more of statement.

"Well, no uh, not exactly," She wince when Aradia dabbed at the swelling wound with a towel. When had she started treating her bite? "But I'd rather— I'd rather keep any and all mentioning's of sea trolls to a minimum. If that's okay."

"It's you're decision." Aradia paused, looking up much like a cartoon character in thought, "Tell him you saw one of those cactus plants at the top of a tree and fell while trying to reach it."

"Oh, that's actually a good excuse. Um, thanks."

"It's what I'm here for," She flipped her ponytail in an exaggerated motion with a smirk of false pride, extracting giggle from Tavra who returned to her phone.

CG: I HOPE YOU REALIZE THIS LONG PAUSE ISN'T HELPING YOU ONE GODDAMN BIT.

AT: sORRY,

AT: aRADIA BEGAN TALKING, tO ME,

CG: WELL NOW THAT YOU'RE DONE TALKING, TELL BIG BROTHER KARKAT WHY HE SHOULDN'T STAPLE TAVRA'S FINGERTIPS TOGETHER WHEN SHE GETS HOME.

AT: uM,

AT: sO YOU KNOW THOSE, uH,

AT: tHOSE CACTUS PLANTS, wHICH SOMETIMES GROW ONTOP OF TREES?

CG: DID

CG: TAV DID YOU

CG: WHY IN THE NAME OF SWEET BUTT TICKLING FUCK WOULD YOU

CG: WHY WOULD

CG: OK NO.

CG: NOT EVEN YOU ARE THAT IMBECILIC.

AT: wELL, uHHH, tHAT,

AT: tHAT IS WHAT HAPPENED,

AT: yES

CG: NO, THAT IS NOT ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR WHAT BULLSHIT IS.

AT: nO, IT'S NOT!

CG: OK FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE.

CG: I DONT GIVE A BAG OF HORSE SHIT WHAT YOU WERE DOING.

CG: I DO HOWEVER, GIVE A BAG OF HORSE SHIT THAT YOU JUST DECIDED TO FUCK OFF AND NOT COME HOME WITHOUT TELLING ME.

AT: kARKAT i'M NOT A BABY!

AT: aND YOU, uMM, aREN'T MY DAD!

_Captain! __Emotionally-Compromising-Hormone-Island__ straight ahead!_

CG: I SOULD SURE AS GOD DAMN CHRIST HOPE THE FUCK NOT.

CG: BECAUSE I AM YOUR MOM.

CG: I AM MAMA VANTAS.

CG: THAT BEING SIAD

CG: YOU ARE GOING TO COMING HOME RIGHT NOW TO HAVE YOURSELF A JUICE, SNUGGLE WITH YOUR BLANKIE, AND GO NAP-NAP.

CG: AND YOU WILL FUCKING LIKE IT.

AT: sTOP

CG: BEEP BEEP

CG: EVERYONE INTO THE FUCKING MINIVAN, MAMA VANTAS IS HERE!

AT: i REALLY SIMPLY WOULD LIKE YOU TO BE IN MY LIFE IN A WAY THAT IS MOSTLY, cONVENIENT TO ME, aND NOT YOU, fOR ONCE! iS THAT REALLY JUST, uM, aSKING FOR TOO MUCH,

CG: YES AS A MATTER OF FACT IT IS.

CG: NOW STOP YOUR WRIGGLING AROUND IN MY IRON-FISTED MOTHERLY GRASP.

_Sir! We've officially docked at Emotionally-Compromising-Hormone-Island! Orders Sir!_

AT: wELL, gUESS WHAT?

CG: WHAT.

AT: yOUR MOTHERING SKILLS ARE STUPID BULLSHIT!

CG: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

AT: nO!

CG: YOUR MOM WALKED OUT SO I'M THE BEST YOU'VE GOT YOU BRAT!

CG: OK WAIT NO

- adiosToreador ceased pestering carcinoGenetecist [CG] at 18:29 -

- carcinoGenetecist [CG]began pestering adiosToreador at 18:29 -

CG: HEY!

CG: WE'RE NOT DONE HERE

AT: yES, wE ARE!

- adiosToreador ceased pestering carcinoGenetecist [CG] at 18:29 -

- carcinoGenetecist [CG]began pestering adiosToreador at 18:29 -

CG: NO, WE ARE NOT!

CG: LET ME APOLOGI

- adiosToreador ceased pestering carcinoGenetecist [CG] at 18:30 -

- carcinoGenetecist [CG]began pestering adiosToreador at 18:30 -

CG: WHY DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO BE SO SENSITIVE

- adiosToreador ceased pestering carcinoGenetecist [CG] at 18:30 -

- carcinoGenetecist [CG]began pestering adiosToreador at 18:30 -

- adiosToreador ceased pestering carcinoGenetecist [CG] at 18:31 -

- carcinoGenetecist [CG]began pestering adiosToreador at 18:31 -

CG: FUCKINGGF STOPL

- adiosToreador ceased pestering carcinoGenetecist [CG] at 18:31 -

- carcinoGenetecist [CG]began pestering adiosToreador at 18:31 -

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- carcinoGenetecist [CG]began pestering adiosToreador at 18:31 -

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- carcinoGenetecist [CG]began pestering adiosToreador at 18:32 -

CG: ST

- adiosToreador ceased pestering carcinoGenetecist [CG] at 18:32 -

- carcinoGenetecist [CG]began pestering adiosToreador at 18:32 -

CG: STO

- adiosToreador ceased pestering carcinoGenetecist [CG] at 18:32 -

- carcinoGenetecist [CG]began pestering adiosToreador at 18:33 -

CG: P

- adiosToreador ceased pestering carcinoGenetecist [CG] at 18:33 -

- carcinoGenetecist [CG]began pestering adiosToreador at 18:33 -

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- carcinoGenetecist [CG]began pestering adiosToreador at 18:34 -

CG: STIPO

CG: *SPOP

CG: **STOP!

AT: nO!

AT: i'M NOT TAKING ORDERS FROM A GUY WHO WAKES UP SCREAMING BECAUSE HE DREAMT HE SPENT 20 DOLLARS ON A HOTDOG!

CG: FCUKCING

CG: YOU SAID YOU WERENT GOING TO BRING THAT BACK UP!

- adiosToreador blocked carcinoGenetecist [CG] at 18:35 -

Sibling drama is hard.

It's hard and nobody understands.

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***LOUD UPSET NOISES BC I DONT KNOW HOW TO MAKE INTERESTING CHAPTERS***


	5. The Idiot Brigade

I keep trying to fit in explanations on troll bites and how the venom effects creatures (specifically humans), and ughhhghghggh I have to keep cutting so much of it out along with other scenes so that this would flow somewhat nicely. this chapter is terrible, i know, but im at the bottom of building up multiple tall story-plot related stuff. there was supposed to be a chatlog with equius and about half of an important explanation while they were going through the forest but... dumb teenagers laughing at nothing got in the way. lmao im sorry ill prob come back and redo this chapter, i just need to put something up. i need to polish up this entire story it is such dogshit

sorry for the shortness

eheheh im really sorry i have no idea wat im doing wow

* * *

Tavra jammed her feet back into her sandals for no particular reason and threw her arms into the air with an angry shout. Her left arm protested terribly in pain, and she found herself holding it achingly tight against her body as she made possibly a louder, angrier shout and kicked at the surrounding sand around her childishly much to her own chagrin. Her face was bright red in an assortment of indignation, humiliation, and sunburn. Tavra stood there seething until Aradia left from her other unmoved position on the ground and forced her down onto the spot of sand below her, delivering a harsh pap (or perhaps a light slap) to her sun-hot face when she gave a squawk of protest. With a familiar arm over her tense shoulders and Aradia's soothing voice reciting the decomposition stages of a human body in a shooshing voice, Tavra's uncharacteristic flare of emotion was gently smoothed over. They hunched beneath a chocolate colored boulder's shadow which Aradia had discarded their possessions over. There was no doubt in her mind they didn't not looked like two wilting flowers.

Exhaling maybe a too drawn out sigh, Tavra drooped against the other girl and sulked in silent distress. She hated whatever this stupid venom was doing to her delicate teenage emotions. As if the bite didn't inconvenience her enough, she was finding herself increasingly flighty, compulsive, and flickering on and off from delirious.

She just wanted to go home and feel better. Today was proving to be a very bad day so far.

She hadn't noticed Aradia had stopped speaking until she began systematically raking her fingers down a strip of limp hair from her ponytail. Tavra noticed for the first time the worrisome look on her face. Her lips where set in a thin line and exhaustion seemed to veil most of her face. Why did Tavra always end up dumping all of their problems in any current situation on Aradia's shoulders for her to deal with? Why didn't she ever try to lift her own weight or help lift Aradia's more often?

Guilt churned in her gut as she frowned at her, looking hesitant.

"Hi." Tavra remarked simply with a hopeful looking grin, bumping their shoulders gently.

"Hi." Aradia cracked a thin smile in return.

"Do you want your hair combed?" Just bring out the Kryptonite, Nitram.

They regarded one another in mutual silence before Aradia removed her arm and rotated in her spot to face away from her friend who had completely turned the tables of their jam session.

Tavra's lips quirked at the corners before hooking a finger under Aradia's brown hair tie and releasing the long curls in a poof of thick hair in one fluid motion. It smelled like it always did, like noon chai and her mother's tobacco, a nostalgic smell which stuck to things like tar. Pun %100 intended.

"Would you mind me braiding it?" She knew the answer would be yes. Tavra's '_hair therapy'_ always ended with Aradia in some kind of braid thick enough to double as a short sturdy rope.

"I don't care."

"Um, well I think you should. Not caring can be bad and stuff."

She persisted in carding through sections of rich dark hair, starting at the tips and gently making her way up. Aradia's body sagged in rest at the sensation of her hair softly tugging at the roots of her scalp.

"I'm… not used to a situation with you like this." She gestured around her when she said _this_, "It's really no secret we don't hangout or go on adventures as much as 9 year old Team Charge did."

Tavra found herself nodding vigorously in agreement, despite it going unseen by Aradia,

"Yeah. I think about that a lot. The Scourge Brothers are still a thing, so why aren't we?"

"We made the terrible mistake of growing up," She could hear Aradia's smile, eliciting one from her as well.

"Dude lame." Tavra giggle, sounding like a huge dork because of how extremely not compatible her voice was with slang.

Said dork wordlessly finished Aradia's French. She marveled how well her friend's dark hair went with braids. Maybe Tavra could recommend black hair ties, Aradia's brown one really threw off of the monotone elegance. Then again, Tavra was in no position to be giving beauty tips. She could be remarkably lazy over things, the inch-long hair growing from the once shaved side of her head was a good example of this.

Aradia took the lack of hair touching as a sign Tavra was done. She reached behind her head to feel what was done to her hair.

She turned to face Tavra, dark russet eyes holding the familiar fire of a happiness which was Aradia Megido meeting the softly smiling chestnut eyes of her friend, sister and teammate.

"…So then," Tavra rolled out her syllables with a growing smile, "Team Charge?"

"Team Charge." She confirmed in a low voice of unadulterated giddiness.

Tavra reached for her bag and pulled out her faded Peter Pan Towel. It was old and dotted with a few chlorine stains but it was her favorite. She loosely wraps it around her face and head in some sort of botched up turban.

"Let us move." She said to Aradia in a fake accent, which seemed to promise an inevitable outcome of pretend adventures and roleplaying the second they stepped foot into the tropical forest.

Shit, let's be kids again.

"But master assassin Nitram! What of your plan to collect herbs to aid in the healing of our wounds!"

"Damn our wounds! Look up at the sky my faithful sheep sidekick," Aradia made a laughing noise of mock offense, "They sky gods above are totally not feeling cowabunga-cool with all those mad harsh vibes they expel!"

"Very well! We shall wash our injuries in the sacred salt ocean and march onwards!"

* * *

Their plans to get through the forest before it began raining were utterly foiled the moment both teenagers came upon two block shaped pieces of wood that slightly resembled walkie-talkies.

"Nitram to Megido what do the statistics say, over."

"I read you Nitram. Please provide the security password, over."

"Bigdix, over."

A chorus of stifled giggles erupted from a suspicious looking bush by a natural path.

"Password appears to be v-valid!" The sentence broke off into a lengthy giggle fit which ended with a sharp inhale and slow exhale of breath before a short silence, "...Over."

The poor birds in the trees above were not ready for the shrieking laughter which erupted from the zestful bush that was shaking back and forth in time with the high-pitch bubbling mirth belonging to the nature-loopy friends inside the foliage who both appeared to be having an absolute blast with their pieces of wood.

A long stretch of silence fell over the bush before-

"Nitram to Megido, I repeat, what do the statistics say, over."

"I read you Nitram. The statistics say that we are 100% pure adult, over."

Any birds that had chanced returning to the area were sadly mistaken by the fake illusion of peace and quite as two separate girls made two separate explosions of laughter heard across the island.

* * *

this was so incredibly dumb and I am so incredibly sorry

all hail the idiot brigade


End file.
